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February 4, 2009

Last night was the regional California Midwives meeting (which I am still running in our area). I’ve been avoiding midwifery stuff in general because it makes me doubt my decision to not do it and last night was no exception. It’s challenging to sit in a room full of women, talking about the thing you’ve been doing for years and years, and not want to be involved. I was sick to my stomach the whole time about missing births and such.

Perhaps that will be my last meeting for now.

The truth is that I really don’t know what I want. I love women’s health and I love birth, but I know it’s not right for my lifestyle and values about family to be a homebirth midwife. So perhaps nursing school is in my future, but the prospect of living in San Francisco again makes me nervous (mostly about the finances of it). and the other option would be Portland, which would be great, but hard for Paul.

And then I think about other things I love…food, farming, sitting around my house knitting.  And I think maybe I could do something with that. Only it feels really, really hard to change careers. Even if you don’t really have a career yet. But it feels hard. Like kids with no responsibilities and nothing tying them to a place pop out of college with degrees in food and farming and such all the time. And they’ve really got the upper hand in job and internship acquisition.

So I’m just hanging out. Trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing. Kind of wishing we could just move to the country and I could raise the chickens, goats, pigs, garden, kids, etc while Paul does his thing with a job.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. mbalavage permalink
    February 4, 2009 6:40 pm

    There are a thousand ways to talk yourself out of anything (my personal fave: “I’ll probably end up hating it anyway”), but at this point, do you really have anything to lose? Hazel’s so big!

  2. February 4, 2009 8:56 pm

    hi, i found your blog through your backyard wedding blog. i just saw this article about urban farming and thought you’d be interested -

  3. Tom Reed permalink
    February 6, 2009 3:06 am

    Why are SF and Portland your only 2 options?

  4. inoakpark permalink*
    February 6, 2009 5:17 am

    Tom- Because I don’t have a bachelors in nursing I need to go to one of the few programs that lets you get a nursing degree in a year and then your masters in the second & third years. There are only 6 or so programs like that in the US, and most of them are on the east coast. Paul would strongly prefer to not move back to the east coast. It was one of the deals we made before getting married. He hated living there.

    In the West (including the south and midwest), Portland and SF are the only two options for nurse-midwifery.

  5. February 7, 2009 7:27 pm

    Sac City College has an 18 month nursing program. A young gal I know (I’m a half century so she’s young to me) just graduated from it and 3 others I know are currently in it. Just a thought.

    I’m enjoying your wedding blog. My daughter will be marrying summer of 2010 and your wedding style is right up her alley. We’re just south of Sacramento.

  6. Jessica M permalink
    February 10, 2009 6:10 am

    Yeah, I’m torn with what to do with my life too. There are so many options! Good luck! What a hard decision to make about midwifery…

    Kaitlyn (you know Kaitlyn, right?) applied to nursing school at Sac State and UCSF. She is waiting to hear back.

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